Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
