My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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