Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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