apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
