I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
