Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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