Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
