i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
