i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
