I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
