You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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