Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize