Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
