my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
