I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
whose ass print is on the piano?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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