i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
