I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
