The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
