it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
