I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
