it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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