she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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