We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
