i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
