If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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