you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she smelled like a LAN party
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
