My cat gives me a boner
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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