my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
