would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
