Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
