I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
everyone is single if you try hard enough
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
