Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
