I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
