babies were throwing up all over the place
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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