I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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