When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
im on a boat
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