we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize