I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
