Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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