I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
