We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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