Tell her she can't have a vagina
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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