First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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