3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
