Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
