those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
