Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
