I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
