my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
