there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
