I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
