Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
