I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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