So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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