Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
