??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize