I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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