I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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