these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
