good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
