Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
