Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
