i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
