Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
