u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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