I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
