the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
