My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
