It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
