upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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