At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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