I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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