Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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