i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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