im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
