this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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