You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
