You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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